OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists
by R3d and B1ack
Summary: Random Operations within the Black Order... commence! Alternating Allen and Kanda's POV's. Operation 5: VIP - Violence Is Prohibited Part 2: Stubbornness. It was then I decided that Kanda should be put under the same torture I would have to undergo.
1. LUCKY

**OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists**

**LUCKY: Lavi Unfortunately Calls Kanda, Yuu**

_Black: It's a new one._

_Red: Obviously, are you so short that you can't see the computer screen, moyashi?_

_Black: We're the same height…_

_Red: (whistling) … … details._

**--**

**Allen's POV**

Not for the first time since I entered the Black Order, I was lost.

Yes. LOST. Again.

You must be thinking: How the _heck_ does someone who has lived in the Black Order for almost a month gets lost? It's like getting lost in your own house!

Well… You see, the walls all look the same! And the doors! And the windows! Arghh! Adding to that, I have absolutely _no sense of direction whatsoever_.

Back to the point.

I was lost. It's been like what, two hours since I got lost. And I'm hungry. It's been quite some time since I ate. Yeah. Two hours. That's a long time to go without food.

With my stomach growling, I walked through the stony black place. Now I know why they call this place the Black Order. Occasionally, I would open a door and peer in.

I reckon I saw the pieces of the late Komurins in one room. There was a sign hanging on them that said:

_To be repaired by the great Komui in the future…_

One shouldn't take any chances with these things. I activated my Innocence and smashed them to little dust particles. As I walked out of the room, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. As if I had just saved the world from a calamity.

Or my own sorry butt.

The next room I entered was safer. I think.

It was a dark room, the curtains were drawn and there was nothing interesting in it except for an hourglass sitting on the table. Upon further inspection, I realized that there was a lotus –was it? – in it. A few petals had fallen to the bottom of the hourglass but the lotus was still in full bloom.

Reaching out a hand to touch it, I felt a shiver down my spine. I had a vision.

_Kanda pulled out Mugen, in all its glory of threatening people._

"_Do you wish to die?"_

I nearly fainted.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder. I jumped, about a foot into the air, and turned around slowly. However, the person behind me had other ideas. Before I could turn completely, I was dragged forcefully out.

"AHHHHH!!" And, yes, I admit it, I screamed like a girl. Who wouldn't? My imagination was running wild.

Mugen came slicing down on my throat—

"Hey Allen? What were you doing in Yuu's room?" I opened my eyes and stared at the person who had dragged me out.

Red hair. Kanda had red hair? No way, when did he dye his hair…

Green eyes. Or green eye, more specifically, the other was covered by an eye patch.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was Lavi. Not Kanda. Phew.

"Lavi, am I glad to see you—"

Crack. The wall beside me smashed. A sword was lodged in the wall, just millimeters away from my face.

Whoa. That sure is one strong sword. That wall was stone…

Eep.

Kanda stood behind Lavi; his face had the ready-to-kill-the-annoying-moyashi-look on. Couldn't he smile for once or something it wouldn't kill him to just smile a bit…

Hold on, scratch that thought. The sight of Kanda _smiling_ as he dismembers someone would be rather frightening.

I think I'll stick to him having his usual murderous looks on.

"What are you both doing outside my room, you stupid moyashi and usagi? Do you wish to die?" he growled, or hissed.

Well, at least he didn't say "What are you both doing _in _my room, you stupid moyashi and usagi? Do you wish to die?

Gee, that sure made a whole lot of difference. (Lavi: Actually, Moyashi-kun, it would. For you at any rate.)

Not.

Behind me Mugen was yanked out of the wall, ready to pierce its pointy tip into another object. Namely, me. I prepared to invocate my left arm and prayed that it wouldn't get damaged. The last thing I needed was for Komui to repair my arm after what I did to the Komurins' pieces, or should I say dust particles.

Just as he was about to swing down, a certain Bookman Junior interrupted the very annoyed swordsman.

"Hey Yuu, now it's an offence to hang out outside your room?"

The target changed. I was spared. For now.

Thank heavens. Or thank Lavi, who should be in heaven soon, the way things are going for him.

Kanda and Lavi stood eye-to-eye facing each other. (Actually, Kanda was a little too _short_ to reach Lavi's eye-level) I could almost see lightning sparking from Kanda's narrowed eyes.

"Don't call me Yuu."

"Why not, _Yuu_?"

"You (beep). Do you wish to die?"

"Well now, Yuu. Don't need to get slice-happy—"

Lavi interrupted himself and sprinted away.

Wise man.

Kanda let out a "tsk" and looked back at his original target. Me.

I had a funny feeling in my stomach then. No, it's not my stomach telling me I'm hungry. I think it was telling me something. Something important.

Run.

And run was what I did.

--

I caught up to Lavi at the library. (What? There was actually a _library _in such a place? And I managed to find it?)

The Bookman Junior was casually flipping through a thick ancient looking book. He looked up as I ran into the library.

"Oh hi, Moyashi. Managed to escape from Yuu in one piece, I see."

I gave him a half-glare. How the heck did that guy manage to survive all his years at the Black Order with Kanda? And call him by his first name?

"You're wondering how the heck I managed to survive all my years at the Black Order with Kanda. And call him by his first name." Lavi recited, his eyes still glued to the book.

Not that I would admit it…

"Denial isn't healthy Moyashi."

Damn, how did he _do that_? Read my mind, you know?

Wait a minute… The title of that book looks familiar… _Script for OBO—_

The book got swept out of my sight as Lavi launched into storytelling mode. Randomly.

Gods save us.

"Ah. It all began four years ago, when I was all young and innocent—"

I snorted.

Lavi raised his eyebrows. "You don't believe me?"

Obviously. Lavi being innocent was almost as believable as Kanda being cheerful. Remember what I said about cheerful Kanda?

Cheerful Kanda someone's impending doom.

Namely, mine…

With a shrug, Lavi continued his story.

"I was new to the Black Order and there were only two exorcists around my age. One was Lenalee, whom I had already met the day I first entered, and the other was the one and only, Kanda Yuu…

Four years ago…

I was exploring every inch of my new home when I realized that there was someone else in front of me. And they were around my height meaning they were around my age! With my excellent mental capacity, I immediately deduced it was the 'Kanda' Komui told me about. Judging from the long hair, it must have been a girl. (Komui never really told me if this 'Kanda' was a girl or guy, you see?) Besides, it would have been nice to make new friends, wouldn't it?

I shouted, 'Hey you!'

The girl froze and looked back. I gulped. It was a boy. Carrying a deadly looking sword in one hand and glaring at me for all he was worth.

'What did you call me?' He hissed.

How dare he talk to me, the Junior Bookman, in that manner! I was justifiably outraged.

'I called you 'you'. Got a problem with that, girly boy?'

Yuu hissed at me at that time and prepared to draw his sword on me. Before either of use could rip each other's heads off like normal hormone driven teenagers, Komui came up to us and told us that there was no fighting allowed between fellow exorcists.

Shortly after that, Komui ended up in the medical department of the Black Order, and not for work purposes.

The next day, Yuu and I got properly introduced and I found out why he was so mad when I called him 'you'.

He froze when he found and there were flying turtles around his head when he realized that out that I was older and taller than him during our introduction. Don't ask me why it was flying turtles around his head, 'cause even I have no idea about that one.

Oh, and he fainted when he found out I was the next Bookman.

And according to whatever gentlemanly rules he follows, it is forbidden to harm your elders.

So I live a long happy life, with the privilege of tormenting Yuu anytime I please.

The End."

At the last two words, Lavi looked infinity proud of himself. I was speechless. I sincerely doubt that Kanda allowed him to live just because he has gentleman rules.

Seriously, do gentlemanly rules including bullying the young? (Cough, me, cough)

Okay, back to the story.

The best part, I reckon, was when Kanda fainted. It's always nice to know when your enemies, er, I mean, comrade faints. (Serves him right, that pompous, arrogant egoist.)

"I'm sure you came close to a few near-death experiences with Kanda before…" I muttered.

"Of course I did. I just, er… got lucky during those unfortunate encounters."

Yeah. LUCKY. Lavi Unfortunately Calls Kanda, Yuu. It has a ring to it.

Now, back to what Lavi said. Luck. Why does everyone but me have to have this special skill called 'luck'? I've never been lucky in my life. The first time I thought I was lucky was when Master Cross found me. Apparently, I thought wrong.

Shudder.

That wasn't luck. Spending three years with him was accursed, accursed I tell you! I had to pay for everything! Our lodging, our basic necessities, our transport, his women, his drinks, his gambling losses, his cigarettes, his fines for littering, his lawyer for the lawsuits he got for offending some rich (beep)s, his lawsuits, his loans from the extremely violent people…

Damn, I'm getting depressed. Pardon me, dear readers, while I go mope in a dark corner.

-emoing in progress-

"Oi, moyashi, what are you doing there, in between the books?"

-emoing progress continued-

Ignore. My life is a misery… (Moyashi)

"Moyashi? You're going to end up damaging those books."

-the emoing continues-

The books' problems aren't worth to be compared to mine… (Moyashi. Twitch)

"Hey moyashi, get out of there already."

"STOP CALLING ME MOYASHI!"

Damn it. As if I hadn't enough problems already. Stop calling me short, for god's sake. I'm 1.68 metres! That's more than um… how much is that in the imperial measurements? 2.5 cm times 12 is a foot… AH! Who cares! I'm taller than most of the people my age in this forsaken nuthouse. (I'm staring to sound like Kanda…-shudder-)

Around my age…

Which is only… me.

"Ooh. You responded."

"ARGHH!" (I really AM starting to sound like Kanda. Shudder.)

"Want to help me annoy Yuu?"

"Why the heck would I want to help you annoy myself?"

"No no, not you, I mean Yuu."

"… It's still you."

"Fine. Want to help me annoy Yuu-kun?"

Ah. I see the difference. Now I know why Kanda hates people calling him by his first name. It's damn confusing, you and Yuu.

"I see…"

"Now to clear up the name confusion, I shall put a –kun behind Yuu when I say his name."

I turned around to look behind me. There was nothing behind me, no –kun, no nothing.

"Where's the –kun?"

"You're hopeless… So do you want to help me annoy Yuu-kun?"

I paused. It would be nice, making someone else's life a misery, besides mine. Especially Kanda. He definitely needs misery in his life. And despair. And pain, lots of it.

I'm going to make him suffer. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"Moyashi's lost it…" Lavi commented from somewhere behind me.

"Don't call me that."

"What? Moyashi?"

"Stop that."

"Don't be so short-tempered. Moyashi."

"GAHHH!"

And thus, a new operation began its planning progress.

"Allen-kun, how would you like to commence Operation POKE?"

"What do we do in this Operation?"

"Well, what do you think of when you think POKE?"

"This!" I jabbed a finger at him.

"That's the spirit!" Lavi cheered.

I poked him again.

"Stop that."

Poke.

"POKE stands for Piss Off Kanda Extremely, not Piss Off Lavi Extremely."

"I see." But it's so FUN!

"Now all you have to do is do that, to Yuu."

"Why the heck would I POKE myself?"

Lavi face palmed himself. "Here we go again…"

--

_B: I'm so gonna make your life hell. (Evil aura)_

_R: I heard that._

_B: (innocent) What? You/Yuu didn't hear anythinggg…_

_REVIEW, kiddies and you shall be granted with THE COOKIE. (BGM: heavenly music)_


	2. POKE

**OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists**

**POKE: Piss Off Kanda Extremely**

_Red: Would you know, this happens in real life too?_

_Black: Hi 'Kanda'! poke, poke, poke, poke, poke_

_Red: I hate you._

**--**

I was faced with a dilemma.

Yes. I'll openly admit it. Well, as open as it gets when you talk to yourself mentally.

The tempura or the moyashi? Or maybe I just won't eat soba. Sushi or maybe sashimi? I heard Jerry just got a new shipment of salmon. Or tuna. Did it matter?

Me, Kanda, the great Kanda, couldn't decide what to eat.

I've been eating soba for the last… year and a half for the sake of whatever is holy in this nuthouse, except I can't call it a nuthouse, because that would be admitting I'm insane, and I don't want to admit I'm insane, because I'm not insane, although plenty of people here in the Black Order are insane, for example the Bookman, who acts like a five year old, even though he is one year older than me, and annoyingly enough, exactly six point oh two centimeters taller than me, which should be roughly a little over two inches, because one inch is two point five centimeters, I think.

I know what you're thinking. Just because I don't talk so much out loud doesn't mean I don't know things. I'll let you in on something; the reason why I don't talk so much is because I think more than I talk.

Gasp, the shock, the horror! Somebody call the paramedics and get the life support! Kanda THINKS! Somebody slit my wrists! No, I'm not emo, if I were emo, I wouldn't be here.

What would this place be like without _my_ utter, unbelievable godly sexiness?

Oh, wait.

I'm off topic.

Ah great. Usually I don't get off track so easily. That's why people think I'm violently random. I can go from "Hello, Moyashi," to "Go and die, Moyashi," in less than 5 seconds with a coherent thought process. Yeah. OMG, Kanda's using big words!

I need to stop talking in 3rd person.

Where was I?

Soba, Sashimi, Sushi, oh! I haven't had Tampanyaki for a while! Or should I try Western food, for once in my life?

CRASH!!

"Watch it!" I snarl at some idiot Finder. I think his name is Bob. Or Bill. Or Buzz. Something that starts with 'B'. I'm bad with names. Half the reason I call Moyashi 'moyashi' is because I can't remember his name.

I think its Andy. Or Anthony. No, that's the blonde Finder that went diving with the sharks when he insulted my food. It was an accident! Cross my heart and hope that Bob/Bill/Buzz guy that bumped into me dies!

Well, he's going to die anyway. He bumped into me! Without apologizing!

He didn't know he bumped into me!

That was an unpardonable offence. I drew Mugen.

"Yuukun!" I nearly fell on my own sword. That's dangerous, and potentially fatal!

Damn you Bookman Junior.

So he's standing there, in all his annoying sparkly glory, grinning at me, as if he just made my freaking day, instead of nearly getting me impaled on my own freaking weapon.

He better thank whatever luck star he was born under, because I was, unlike some of these impolite Finders, was taught manners. One of those manners was respecting your elders.

So instead of gutting him with my Innocence, I merely pointed it at his throat.

"Don't call me by my first name!" I threatened.

"Yuu-kun, you know you wouldn't hurt me! I'm too dead sexy!" Lavi laughed. It is to be noted that he was edging away from Mugen. I think my eyebrow twitched. I can't be sure. There was an element of truth in what he said, the 'you know you won't hurt me' part, but the dead sexy part? If he was dead sexy then I was drop dead on the spot from massive blood loss gorgeous.

"Now Yuu-kun," he begins in the 'I've got plans for you!' voice. I don't like that voice. Every time he uses that voice, something bad happens to me. Like the time I woke up with a bunch of crosses, think that freaky Road Noah, on my forehead. Or pigtails, like a freaking girly girl. That was extremely unpleasant, not too mention it totally ruined my image.

"Swear to me that you won't maim, traumatize, hurt, kill, desecrate or permanently scar Allen mentally or physically," Lavi says seriously, kind of looming over me. Damn him and his… tallerness.

"What the heck are you planning, Bookman," I say, even more seriously and a bit more violently. Lavi smiles and winks in what I assume he supposed to be innocently. I wouldn't know. Lavi is by far the biggest pervert I know. The day he's innocent is the day I dye my hair hot pink and declare my undying love for the next Komurin. Likelihood? Never in eternity.

"Just promise, Yuu-kun!" He grins, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Just for a day, be nice to Allen!" Suspicious, very suspicious. "If you pull it off, I won't call you 'Yuu' for a day."

Now, I was extremely unsure. Guaranteed, it would be something I hate and it would be related to the moyashi. I want more out of it than Lavi not calling by my first name. Actually, I kind of got used to it already, the reply is more mechanical and to make sure he doesn't go further than that to annoy me.

"I don't want to see your face for a week, or hear you either," I bargained. Lavi laughed evilly, but before I could have second thoughts about what I got myself into, he shook my hand and thumped me on the back. Now I have to wash my hands _again_! Damn you Lavi. Damn you.

What?

I believe in personal hygiene. Such as brushing your teeth 4 times a day, showering at least twice a day and disinfecting your weapon after every battle. I was just about to go and eat!

"YO ALLEN!!" Lavi screamed into my ear. I think he was supposed to be resting his arm on my shoulder, but because he's taller than me, damn you Lavi, he was kind of throttling me with his arm casually round my neck. "Stick like glue to Yuu-kun! Let Operation POKE begin!"

"Oh yeah! Thanks Lavi!" Moyashi popped out of nowhere like the beansprout he is. At least I think he's a he. He, she, he, _it, _is _scrawny_. Look at those shoulders! I think Linalee's shoulders are the same width! Is he anorexic or something?

What the heck am I saying!? Did I just suspect MOYASHI out of all people to be anorexic? Am I delirious? He eats twenty course meals every hour! And he's still so scrawny? Where does all that food go?!

Whatever, I'm hungry. "Jerry," I greeted. The lunatic cook squealed and leaned out of the window partition thingy.

"Kanda! Your usual?" he said happily. I began to say I wanted some onigiri to go, but something jabbed me in the ribs. Hard.

I turned and glared at the Moyashi.

Did I mention how he's way shorter than me? If I were anything like Lavi, which thank the heavens I'm not that insane, immature pervert, I would have been cracking puns at him, concerning the height difference. But I don't. That's why I said if.

"Hi Jerry! Can I have a potato salad, a mushroom soup, some onigiri, linguini with white wine sauce and clams, Hawaiian pizza, steak, sashimi, sushi, tempura, some of those Chinese dumplings I had the last time, ooh, Kanda, that soba looks good! Jerry! I'll have a soba too, and a banana split and 40 sticks of dango! All in large portions please! Thank you Jerry!"

Anorexic my foot.

I stared at the soba on my plate. I didn't feel like eating soba. Ah, whatever the heck. I walked over to my usual place, which faces my back to Moyashi's place, so I don't have to watch his disgusting eating habits. I sat down.

BANG!!

The table vibrated and creaked under Moyashi's huge amount of food. I swear I saw the chandelier move like that only once before, after the earthquake that was 8.4 on the Richter scale.

Suddenly, I don't want to sit under the chandelier anymore.

"What's wrong, Kanda? The soba's really good! Don't you want it?"

I have the feeling that the bet with Lavi is going to be harder to keep than I thought. I'm less than one minute into it and I already want to throttle him to death. Breathe slowly, calm down.

"Ikadakimasu," I say dutifully, snapping the chopsticks apart. I put an arm between my food and Moyashi, which hopefully would stop the flying food particles from contaminating my food. I haven't been sick a day in my life, and I have no intention of changing that.

Yeah, I've been to the hospital many times, but that was only for injury related things, and then it took Lavi, Linalee, 2 Finders and the whole science team (don't ask) to strap me down to the hospital bed before I would admit my leg was broken and infected, and that was _after_ the anesthesia and the truth serum.

I don't like hospitals. The doctors are sadists and perverts, and the nurses won't stop hitting on me, or giggling the doorway. I know I'm hot. I don't need them to tell me what I already know, and I certainly don't need a girlfriend!

Don't even think about it. I am straight! I get enough crap from Lavi! Lavi, is another matter. He's about as straight as he is innocent. Okay, he's bi, but it's disturbing when you're on a mission and he starts hitting on _every _freaking _body_ that walks past!

Back to topic.

Poke.

I turned and glared at Moyashi. He gave me a half-evil smile and continued stuffing his face.

Maybe if I ignored him, he would leave me alone.

Poke.

Not a chance.

Poke.

Kanda Yuu, do not let Moyashi get to you! (Rhyming is unintentional.)

Poke.

10…9…8…7… 6…

Poke.

5…4… 3…

Poke.

F! Counting from 10 backwards is a lousy anger management technique.

Poke.

Seriously!!

Poke.

Lavi, I may have sworn not to injure Moyashi today, but you aren't under that kind of protection.

Poke.

Tomorrow, both of you are so screwed.

Poke.

"Stop poking me!" I snapped.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

I will be rational. Since the chandelier is doing the drunken Can-can up there, I'll go sit next to Linalee. Yes, that is an excellent idea.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

How is such a scrawny guy able to carry so much food with only one arm AND stuff his face at the same time?

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Damn you, moyashi. Damn you, Bookman Junior. Damn you, Bob-guy. For obvious reasons.

And you too, Linalee, chivalry be damned, if you stare anymore.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

HE'S BEEN POKING ME FOR HALF A PAGE AND I CAN'T EVEN KILL HIM!!

Lavi, you are evil. I hate you. I know you are behind this. How could the moyashi be remotely intelligent enough to do this to me without your masterminding?

Yes, I know Lavi's name. He's been around for more than a year. Moyashi's only been around for what- a month? First impressions count!! Maybe after the next 2 months I'll consider learning Moyashi's real name.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

HE'LL NEED IT ON HIS FUNERAL CARD!!

I know! I'll leave the food here, (I kind of lost my appetite, eating next to the bottomless pit over there), and make a run for it! He wouldn't dare come into my room. (I rigged the Komurins next door to come out and kill anyone who came into my room. Had to bribe Reever to do it, but hey, it's worth it.)

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Damn. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Or maybe I'll just go to the root of the problem and kill Lavi. Yes, I think I'll do that.

"BOOKMAN! PREPARE TO DIE!"

See, I'm so nice. I gave him a warning.

"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

That was Lavi's insanely girly shriek. I didn't know male voices could go so high after puberty.

Oh, I forgot. He hasn't hit puberty yet.

My bad.

Hey, I might make mistakes, but at least I do it sexily!

You know I'm right.

Pooooooooooooooooooooookkkeeeeeeeee.

If I'm insanely lucky, the moyashi will get lost while trying to follow me to my room.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Maybe _I'm _the one who's cursed.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Shrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!

Muahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhah!

This won't fall under 'maim, traumatize, hurt, kill, desecrate or permanently scar Moyashi mentally or physically', I hope.

Being taped to a wall doesn't hurt much.

I think.

How do you expect me to know? I've never been taped to a wall before!

Oh whatever the heck.

I'm going to go sleep.

So long Moyashi.

If you're lucky, maybe someone will rescue you before you die.

If not, just stay there and I'll come kill you tomorrow!

Muahahahahaahhahahahahah!

I hope Lavi comes near here tomorrow. (To rescue you of course!) Then I don't have to go looking for him to kill him.

1, 2, 3…

Instant sleep knockout!

Zzz…

--

_R: Did anyone notice the random 'damn'?_

_B: MMMMMMMmmmmmmm!!_

_R: I don't understand you! You should make more effort to be understood when there's tape in your mouth! People nowadays…_

_Please REVIEW! The button is lonely!_

_-- (click me)_

V


	3. POLE

**OBOE:Operation Black Order Exorcists**

**POLE: Piss Off Lavi Extremely**

_Red: This chapter is the result of 'Allen' going into hysterics before the Chinese Oral Exam._

_Black: Dui bu qi, wo men you kao shi. Mei shi jian xie OBOE de… _(Sorry, we had exams. No time to write OBOE- translation courtesy of Lavi)

_Red: See what I mean?_

--

Hello? Anybody there?!

Silence.

It's too quiet…

_GAHHHHHH._

You must be wondering why I'm not saying anything. Well, let us recall what happened in the previous chapter.

That jerk called _Kanda_ taped me to the damn wall outside his damn room. Damn.

That idiotic jerk sleeping in that room there! He can't even tape me properly. He taped my mouth and one side of my nose! I can barely breathe, damnit! Furthermore, it's so damn freakin' cold that I swear I'm getting frostbite. The tape isn't very warm, y' know… (When since did I get so vulgar?)

I hope he gets bruises where I poked him.

How could he tape someone as innocent as me to the wall? If he wants to tape someone, he should be taping Lavi. It's all that Bookman Junior's fault, yes it is. He came up with the idea of POKE, not me.

Why, why am I so cursed? As if having a cursed eye isn't enough. I have a cursed fate as well, and at this rate, a cursed life. I think my hands are turning blue from frostbite. If they fall off, my Innocence wouldn't be a claw anymore; it's going to be a stump. Yes, a stump. Imagine fighting Innocence with a fingerless hand. The horror, they're going to die laughing, instead of me killing them.

And this is all Lavi's fault.

I need revenge, seriously. After much thinking, I have concluded that this entire matter is Lavi's fault. For my fingers getting frostbite and falling off is Kanda's fault. And for the cursed part, it's reserved for Master.

This concludes my list of people to get revenge on.

Now, I should start thinking of a way to escape from this damn tape.

Maybe I should…

No, then…

I know, I'll…

Zzzzzzzz.

--

In the morning…

It's bright. That means it's morning. I ought to be getting up.

Wait. Why am I lying vertically…?

ARGHH!

I remember, tape! I didn't escape yesterday?

Anyway, I should be getting up; someone should be passing by—

Why is Kanda standing in front of me with Mugen unsheathed and a smile on his face? That didn't sound right. Kanda and smile definitely do not go well together.

"Good morning, Moyashi." Kanda greets, with a hint of cheer in his voice.

I immediately turn paler than I was before, which is quite pale, since half of my body has been cut off from my blood circulation. (Oh, and I still think that my fingers have turned blue and fallen off.)

"Are you ready to die?" I swear that that smile just gained an aura. A dark and evil aura that emits death.

I'm too young to die! I hope shaking my head violently helps.

Shring!

Apparently not. He just activated the goddamned thing.

Mugen comes down in a swift downward arc, rushing towards me.

In this split second, I shall think of a will.

I leave everything to Timcampy.

I pray that my lawyer reads this.

Just inches away from me, the blade is suddenly knocked off course. By what, you ask? By a robotic arm that looks like it came from a Komurin, obviously. It's so obvious, anyone would know even before I registered what had happened.

Not.

Luckily, the blade misses me by an inch or so and sinks deep into the tape and wall beside me. Thank goodness that wasn't me.

"Nooo! My Komurinnnnnnnnn!" Out of nowhere, Komui comes flying out from nowhere, waving a limbless Komurin body that appeared out of nowhere, which he brought from that nowhere. That sentence should tell you how sudden his arrival was.

Interrupting Kanda's moment of killing is a serious offence and is most probably punishable by the law. The Law of Kanda Yuu, I mean. (Lavi claims Kanda's Law that (beep) sounds like one of those scientific geniuses now, yuck is also a 'Gentleman's Code', but I don't buy it. What kind of gentleman tortures his juniors?)

May his tortured soul rest in peace. Amen.

Well maybe Kanda won't kill Komui, just… bloody him a bit. And maybe hospitalize him for a couple of months.

Sure enough, the direction of the blade changes, right after it was yanked out of the wall.

Hey, the tape's coming off.

If I yank a bit more, I think I'll be able to escape.

Riiiipppppp.

YES!

I make a run for it, hearing the tortured screams of the tortured echoing around me and ignoring them completely.

Don't worry Komui, I'll remember you for this. I'll put flowers on your grave every year.

Anyway, Komui should be protected by Kanda's Law, if what Lavi says is right.

--

I made it.

I'm in the dining hall. Jerry is such a great cook. I don't think food ever tasted this good.

Just as I polished off my thirtieth and last stick of mitarashi dango, Kanda came storming in. Blood dripped off the tip of his sword and onto the floor of the dining hall. (I KNEW it! Lavi's theory of the Gentleman's Code, in your face!)

I quickly turn my back on him. If I don't see him, he won't see me, right?

Five minutes passed.

Yup, Kanda isn't going to bother me.

"I still need to get my revenge on Lavi though…" I think out loud. There's barely anyone in the dining hall so I guess talking to myself is ok.

"He must die." A voice comes from nowhere, agreeing with me.

I find myself agreeing with the other speaker. "I wish there was some way I could really make him suffer, like how I do."

"Indeed."

This was turning into a conversation, so I decided to turn around and face the other speaker. It's only polite to do so.

Somehow, I found myself facing Kanda.

An irked look immediately appeared on his face. Likewise for me.

Silence.

"Planning revenge on Lavi?" I decide to be polite to Kanda for once. After all, we have the same goal in mind:

Make Lavi suffer.

"Yes," Kanda answers, disgruntled.

That moment, I decided that to combat the Bookman Junior, alliances must be formed. Former enemies should be temporary allies in a war against such an individual.

I stuck out a hand, my left one, mind you, I'm used to it. Kanda stared at it as if I just pointed a gun at him.

"Work with me to make Lavi suffer?" I muster up my courage to form an alliance.

"Alright." He replies turning away from my outstretched hand. "I won't shake hands with a cursed person." He added.

That was the beginning of a not so beautiful temporary friendship formed out of hatred for a certain Bookman Junior by two very violent people. (I'm only temporarily violent; Kanda is violent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365.25 days a year!)

--

"Hey, Bookman."

The old man turns towards me, his face showing that he was not pleased at being disturbed. "Can't you see that I'm reading?" He snaps, annoyed at me.

I gulped. "I'm forming a plan to make Lavi suffer. So I was wondering …Would you like to help?"

"Ok."

"I knew you wouldn't, Lavi being your apprentice and all, but you know how annoying Lavi is— Wait, you _agreed_?" That was unexpected. I never thought that Bookman would agree in a hundred years. See, Lavi? This is what you get for pissing off every single one of us.

"Yes. That idiot apprentice of mine needs to be taught a lesson. Do you have a plan, Allen Walker?" Bookman continues on, an uncharacteristic grin spreading across his wrinkled face. Whoa, Bookman, _grinning_? Wonders will never cease. (This is the third one today, first being Komurin saving me and second being the alliance with Kanda.) In this mere two minutes of conversation with Bookman, I have learnt a lot.

"Well, first we…"

--

Somewhere around the Black Order…

"Finder!"

A sword pointed at the Finder's throat. He swallowed nervously.

"Y-y-yes, Sir Kanda?"

"Agree to help me?" The fearsome Japanese in front of him asked threateningly. (Demanded, more like.) Something about the murderous aura the exorcist was emitting warned the Finder not to disagree, even if he did not know what he was agreeing to do.

"Y-yes." The Finder finally stuttered out, rivulets of sweat dripping down his face.

"Good." Sheathing Mugen, Kanda went off to terrify, ahem, _convince_ his next victim to assist him in his diabolical half of this Operation.

--

"Ok. Now that the plan is in place, let Operation erm… erm… er…" In all my eagerness to start the Operation, I forgot to name it. Damn, I just ruined my cool image as the ringleader of this Operation.

The Finders and Bookman stared back up at me. Yes, _up_. I was standing on the table, which made me a full 2 meters taller than the rest of them (especially Bookman). Meanwhile, Kanda was nowhere in sight, probably preparing for the first part (his part) of the operation. What a waste of extra height if you can't flaunt it to your enemy, er… I mean, _ally_. Yes, ally.

Now, to salvage my rapidly disappearing cool image. The previous Operation was called POKE, which stood for Piss Off Kanda Extremely… Hold that thought.

"Operation POLE!" I continued as that thought struck me. Somehow, I remember Lavi saying something like that. Piss Off Lavi Extremely. (What goes around comes around, sucker! Uh, my dear friend? You brought it on yourself anyway! Saying that in LUCKY… in front of me…then abandoning me in POKE…)

The Finders looked somewhat impressed. However, Bookman just gave a snort and looked greatly amused.

--

_Somewhere __**else**__ in the Black Order…_

"Usagi," Kanda said. _Nicely_. (OMG! That's one for the history books! Lavi! Write it down quick! Kanda's saying something _nicely_!)

"Uh, hi Yuu-kun?"

No reaction. Kanda looked… _sorry for Lavi??_

"Uh, are you feeling alright?" Lavi dared ask.

"Your Innocence was taken to the Science Department for testing. If you're lucky it'll come back in something half-decent to fight with," Kanda told him. He dropped a toothpick into Lavi's hand. "This is your replacement weapon."

"That's… uncharacteristically nice of you, Yuu-kun. I appreciate it and all, but what am I supposed to do with a toothpick as a weapon?" Lavi sweatdropped. It was black toothpick too.

What was he supposed to do in battle? Oh, mister Akuma, there's something in your teeth. Can I offer you a toothpick? And then stab it in the Akuma's throat?

Maybe it was Yuu's idea of a joke… Yuu was quite humorless after all.

"That's what I could salvage of your Hammer, (the handle part)," Kanda growled, pretend nice-ness wearing off.

"Extend?" Lavi asked the toothpick. It grew by a quarter of an inch. Not very impressive.

"EXTEND!" Lavi shouted at it. It made a terrified squeak and grew to the size of a broomstick. Lavi looked at Kanda for help. Kanda looked back with the 'what do you expect me to do, terrify it into obedience?' expression that he used quite often.

"This wasn't in the script!" Lavi complained.

"What script?" Kanda asked.

"Uh, never mind Yuu!" then Lavi fled, before Kanda decided he didn't want to be 'uncharacteristically nice' anymore.

As soon as Lavi was out of earshot, Kanda fished out a golem.

"Start the conversation!" he ordered.

--

In the South corridor, on the way to the Science Department, Lavi noticed a lot of Finders were staring at him and whispering. Curious, he decided to approach one and ask what was going on.

"Um, Sir Lavi, I heard that Bookman terminated your apprenticeship… is that true?" the Finder asked before Lavi could so much as open his mouth.

Lavi laughed. "What makes you think that?" he asked. The Finder backed up nervously.

"Well, I saw Sir Allen in the library with Bookman, and Bookman said he was tired of a good for nothing apprentice and said Sir Allen would be replacing you."

Lavi dashed up the staircase to the tenth floor.

--

I wonder if Kanda finished his part of the Operation yet. I'm bored out of my mind!! Bookman is _sooo_ boring! Who _CARES_ if that China dude's name was Qin Shihuang?! He's DEAD, for god's sake! What's there to know about some dead people?

And here I thought being Bookman was an easy job.

I check the clock on the wall. I can just imagine it now.

Lavi, panting, as he sprints to the massive library doors and kicks them open!

WHAM!

"_PANDA GRAMPA!! TELL ME IT ISN'T TRUE!!_" Lavi screamed into the library.

Whoa. Right on cue.

I flip open a random textbook on China's history and start mumbling some words aloud, to make it look as if I was reading.

"Great wall of China… United the states of China…" I sneak a peek at the stunned Junior Bookman. His expression was priceless. Now I wish I brought Lenalee's camera along.

"Panda Gramps… Is it true? You're making Allen your apprentice instead of me?" Lavi turned pale. Or gray.

Bookman looked up at him witheringly. (He should become an actor…)

"You're useless so I thought to replace you, Lavi."

Lavi nearly fainted. I could see it in his eye. Without a word, he turned around and walked out of the room, dragging his feet despondently.

I snatched a golem out of the air beside me.

"Mission complete. Now watch him to make sure he doesn't do anything foolish. If all goes well, it'll be the end of Operation POLE."

--

"The world hates me… Maybe I should just die…"

A few minutes after Lavi left the library, a Finder came racing into the room.

"Hmm? What is it?" I asked, stacking up the history textbooks I hope I'll never see again. My mind's spinning just after reading the first one. How do the Bookman stand it?

"Sir Allen! It's the Bookman Junior! H-h-he's gonna jump!"

When I was brought outside the castle, I saw a spiky haired silhouette standing on top of the castle. From what I could see, all he needed to do was to take a step forward and he would go plummeting to his death.

There was a small group of people gathered below him.

"WE'LL RETURN IT TO YOU! JUST COME DOWN FROM THERE ALREADY!" Reever shouted at the top of his lungs, waving what looked to be Lavi's hammer.

"JUMP, YOU BAKA USAGI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR!" The Japanese exorcist roared up at Lavi. The rest of us eyed him, the science department and the Finders nervously, me with narrowed eyes.

"What?" He shrugged innocently as he caught sight of us. (As if)

"The aim of this Operation was to make him pissed, not suicidal!" I yelled at him. "And I told you to keep an eye on him for this purpose! What did you do?!"

"I just told him the way up to the roof."

"WHAT?!"

From there, I was ignored.

"JUMP ALREADY, WOULD YOU? I'LL EVEN PLACE MUGEN HERE SO YOU'LL DIE EVEN IF YOU SURVIVE THE JUMP—" Kanda was cut off as Lenalee dragged him forcefully away from the site. Thank Heavens.

I looked back up. Just barely, I could see Bookman walking steadily towards Lavi. He reached his suicidal apprentice and kicked him. Lavi toppled off the edge of the building. A collective gasp rose from the crowd.

In the nick of time, Lavi grabbed onto the edge of the castle and screamed, "I GET IT! I'M SORRY! I NOT GONNA JUMP ANYMORE!"

Phew. What a relief. I suppose Bookman told him the truth about Operation POLE. I watched as Lavi slowly pulled himself up and collapsed onto the rooftop.

The group gathered below him dispersed, whispering and murmuring amongst themselves. Catching sight of me, their gazes suddenly became slightly… evil.

"GET HIM!" Reever shouted, pointing an accusing finger at me.

Oh –beep-.

This thus concluded the end of Operation POLE. (And that will of mine still holds effect, I might be needing it)

--

_Black: Review, kiddies! Or I shall push Lavi off the castle, again. –evil maniacal laugh-_

_Red: … She's seriously lost it. Anyhow, what she said. Review!_

_Black: Or suffer my wrath. –more evil maniacal laughter- _


	4. VIP: Persuasion

_**OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists**_

_**VIP: Violence Is Prohibited**_

_**Persuasion (Part 1)**_

_Red: Kanda died… from Shakespeare…(To be or not to be, that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer…)_

_Black: Sorry, Kanda was a bit loopy when this was written._

_Red: See how much I love you all, to write when I'm sick? (Cue the: AWWW!) You better review for my trouble… (delirious rambling)_

--**Kanda's POV**--

The truce between the great I and the stupid moyashi is officially over. The whole 'POLE- Piss Off Lavi Extremely' incident/ operation is over and we can go back to being our usual (constantly fighting- but as I'm _waay_ sexier, cooler, greater, etc, I ALWAYS win _Allen: As if!_) selves.

I really never knew Lavi could go all 'emo'-like. I've known him for 5 years! Wait, maybe it's 4… I don't really remember… But I do remember how I met the idiot usagi…

I lost my hair tie and I was on my way to borrow one from Linalee when I heard someone shout, "Hey, Yuu!" I don't know how, but a lot of people at the Order somehow knew my first name and had a tendency to think it was 'cute'. Shudder. I had become paranoid.

"What did you call me?" I turned, ready to kill the (beep) who called me. He was slightly taken aback. For me, I was shocked by the pure retarded-ness of his clothes. Who the heck wears an eye patch? And what was with the hair? Did he fall into a bucket of clown face-paint? And it was VERTICAL. Then he _attempted_ to look intimidating.

"I called you 'Yuu'. Got a problem with that, girly boy?"

By the way, did I ever mention how much I hate my masculinity being insulted? I come from a traditional family, where boys are not allowed to cut their hair, so sue me. No seriously, I dare you to try and sue me. (I'm rich, don't you know, sucker?)

Anyway, you'd lose to my utter greatness in court. I mean, the judge might die of blood loss. Unless it was a guy. Then it'd just be kind of gross.

Like Lavi. The moron _so _should have jumped…. I still can't believe the Moyashi went to take _pity _on that pervert. Just when the operation was going perfect… Stupid impressionable vegetable…

Vegetable… I wonder what I should eat again…

I think I shall just stick to eating soba until Japan (Akuma central) becomes habitable again. It's the safest-

WHAM!

THE DAMN BOB/BILL/BUZZ -WHATEVER HIS NAME WAS- GUY AGAIN!! THIS TIME HE _WILL_ PAY!

SHRING!

"_**KANDA YUU! YOU ARE ORDERED TO FREEZE!"**_

I swear I had a moment of suspension where I _levitated_. I obey orders. Unless they're ridiculous. (Example, jump out of a window and hover there. I could survive, _but that's not the point here_, obviously!) How else do you think they got me to go on the first mission with the moyashi?

How the (beep) did Komui get out of the medical wing so damn fast? We just sent him there! (We means I, the great Kanda Yuu, of course!)

Damn the orders.

Damn the Supervisor.

Damn the Bob-guy.

The whole Order is conspiring against me!

Change of plans. I shall put Komui in the medical wing permanently _then_ I shall kill the Bob-guy.

Hey, don't you dare open your mouth to say 'discrimination'. Finders are expendable. As much as it pains me to say it, this stupididiotsistercomplex isn't. The Science Department guys say his IQ is supposedly over 200. (I think a genius should be anything above 180…I'm not sure. You don't expect me to remember everything! If I remembered everything I would be Bookman, not the almighty me /Yuu!)

Che. You wouldn't think it by looking at him.

I turned around.

"There is a new order decreeing today VIP day!" Komui announced, flourishing a letter with a lot of words and no pictures. Small words with complicated meanings, or so you think. Like, 'mandatory' and 'eradicate'. Which are just 'compulsory' and 'get rid of'.

Anyway, I can't tell him I know how to read that, right? I mean, I'm so brilliant they might give me a desk job! Gasp! (What would all the fans out there do if I have less screen time than I already do? Hint hint)

What makes the damn moyashi have more damn screen time? Oh yeah, he's the main character. Then what about Lavi? Oh yeah, he's a tag along with the main character. Main characters are so overrated… (What about me? I'm sooo totally awesome enough to be a main character!!)

Never mind, back to the story. I got carried off too many times in the last couple of pages.

"What the (beep) are you talking about?" I growled. These people really can't understand when to leave a guy alone! (I'm still pissed about the POKE-ing thing of course.)

"VIP! Violence Is Prohibited!" Komui shouted. I hate being shouted at. Unless it's some people hailing my greatness. Then I don't mind it. I generally encourage it. Well, not publicly. It would kind of ruin my image.

"SO?" I snarled, patience running a bit thin.

"So, no violence for today, at least until midnight, Cinderella!" Lavi joked from behind me. How I really wish that Bookman didn't tell him about POLE. I was just starting to like the new emo Lavi. He was so much less annoying… (And I'm sure with my sexiness I could have gotten him to jump. Damn Moyashi… _Allen: You -beeping- egoist! Stop dissing me, damn YUU!_)

"Do you want to die?!" I pointed Mugen's highly polished edge against Lavi's throat. Obviously I polish Mugen! At least twice a day!

"The penalty for disobeying VIP is the prohibition (not allowing) of the offender from any mission in the next fortnight (2 weeks)." Komui recited. "And the offender will be under 24-hour surveillance for that fortnight."

I nearly fell over from shock. That's an invasion of privacy!! How does the law permit such things? Oh wait, this is the (beep)ing BLACK ORDER! They make their own (beep)ing laws!

"This includes destruction of any property, public or private."

How am I supposed to train? I destroy things as my anger management technique! I think I staggered backwards. (No I don't _wobble_. Wobbling is in the things Kanda never does list. Letting the pervert usagi within ten feet of me when I'm sleeping is another thing on that list. That was quite new… after what he did to my hair on the train…grr…)

"Kanda?" Three of them said at the same time. Eh, where did the moyashi come from?

Damn it… I slowly walked to the ordering window.

"The usual." I monotone, still in shock.

"Eh, Kanda-kun? Are you alright?" Jerry asked.

OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT ALRIGHT!! The corner of my mouth twitched in a grimace.

"Never mind, here's your soba!"

The Finders are all laughing at me. I can feel it. (Beep)ing (beep)ers.

"Hi Yuu!" One Finder calls. On pure instinct I drew Mugen and the Finder's throat was nearly shredded. I BARELY managed to stop myself and I think the idiot Finder nearly pissed himself in fright.

"Never. Say. My first name. Ever." I gritted out. It was only ONE millimeter from Mugen's quivering edge and his throat. Self control, Kanda. Self-control!

"Threatening is also under violence, Kanda!" Komui screeched. I glowered at the Finder, who was almost unconscious.

He passed out without me laying a finger on him.

Yay me.

...Damn…

I still want to kill him.

--

Lunch wasn't very eventful. Only glaring at everyone within a ten foot radius. Ah, ten feet is 12 inches times 10, so 120 inches. One inch is 2.5 cm. 120 times 2.5 is 300 cm. One meter is equal to 100 cm. 300 divided by 100 is 3. I was glaring at everyone in a 3-meter radius.

But that was normal.

What wasn't normal is the amount of snickering going on.

Especially at the Finder's table.

I have an idea.

What floor is the library on anyway?

--

If Lavi catches me here, I'll never hear the end of it. I walked softly as possible in my boots. Standard male exorcist uniform boots are a pain to walk in. Trying to be stealthy in them is next to impossible. Unless you're me! Then they're just annoying little (beep)s.

Oh, and the library is on the tenth floor, if you're interested. I just had to add that. Why? In case some other poor unfortunate soul has to wander the whole castle in search of it. Like I had to.

I just noticed something. There isn't a single sign in the whole damn castle. Not even an emergency exit one! What, in case of emergency, break glass and jump out of the window?

The window doesn't even have glass to (beep)ing break! (Cheapskate Order!)

And once you actually _do_ get to the library, damn if you actually FIND anything you want! It's almost as bad as Komui's room! (Don't ask how I know what the inside of Komui's room is, I just do.) I found a book starting with Y in the D section!

Anyway, I found a dictionary. And the word I wanted.

Smirking, I headed back down to the cafeteria.

If I was that kind of person, I would be singing.

--

"Come back here coward!"

"AAHHH!"

I was enjoying myself, especially since I _know_ I can get off scot-free for violating the 'VIP' rule. The Finder dashed into Komui's office, where he was briefing Usagi about some crap about VIP day.

"S-supervisor! K-Kanda…Kanda is…" the Finder babbled. I walked slowly to the door. (I was tired, so what? I am, contrary to popular belief, still human and I did have to fight over a hundred Finders…)

"Steady! What did Kanda do?" Komui asked sharply.

"He's…he's _persuading_ people downstairs in the cafeteria! You have to come-"

I could imagine Komui's grin. "He is? I'm so proud of him! Imagine our Kanda, using persuasion instead of brute force! I knew VIP was a good idea!"

"N-no sir! You have the wrong-"

"See what the great Komui Lee is able to come up with if he puts his mind to it? It's because Kanda sent me to the medical side earlier that I had this great idea! Once every year, we must celebrate non-violence-"

Okay, I had enough of listening to him crap.

"Hey, Finder. Get out here. Now," I said from outside the door. I heard a frightened squeak.

I kicked the door down.

"Kanda! No destruction of property! Ah well, but since you were working on your social skills, I guess we can let it go…" Komui started.

I attempted a fake smile, to at least pretend I wasn't being violent. I think it scared everyone in the room.

"Hey, baka Finder. Do I need to _persuade_ you to follow me back down to the cafeteria?" I asked/threatened, hand resting casually on Mugen's hilt. The Finder whimpered.

"Yuu-kun," Lavi said in a bored manner.

"What do you want, Bookman?" I replied without looking at him.

"Stop terrorizing the Finders just because they took advantage of VIP day," he half ordered.

Just because I obey orders doesn't mean I obey orders from anybody.

"I don't need to listen to you, usagi."

"Persuasion, huh? What you're doing is more like coercion." I paused, looking at Lavi incredulously. He was resting his cheek on his hand, one eye staring at me thoughtfully.

Damn, how did he know?

"The library has a lot of books, Yuu-kun. Besides, we (Bookmen that is) _do_ notice if someone's been in the library."

How the _heck_ is he reading my mind?

"Can I persuade you to ignore me temporarily?" I asked/threatened, drawing Mugen out by an inch, so they could see its pretty shine.

Shiny is _good_. It means Mugen is sharp and clean and pretty. It means I take good care of Mugen.

"I didn't see anything Yuu-kun!" he grinned, waving his hand and turning away.

"Good," I said, ignoring his use of my given name. (He's doing me a 'favour'. Equivalent exchange and all that shit.)

I drew Mugen. Komui gasped and the Finder dived for cover.

"Kanda! You are officially under surveillance for the next two weeks for disobeying VIP!"

"Can it, Supervisor! This is persuasion! And if you disagree with me-" Mugen sliced through the air towards him. It stopped less than a centimeter away from his throat.

"I'll _persuade _you too." My eyes flickered to him for an instant. If I take my eyes off the Finder too long, he'll run away.

"Yuu, this might be a bad time, but the Finder you're talking about just ran for it," Lavi remarked carelessly.

"I'll get him later, as soon as our _dear_ Supervisor here revokes the surveillance…" I grinned.

"Yuu, you're scaring people, going around smiling (evilly and sexily) like that."

"I'm perfectly serious, usagi," I said, my voice completely monotone. "And stop using my first name!" I turned back to Komui. "So, will you take the order back?"

"Um, o-okay, but no more violence, okay? Kanda! Answer!"

I swept out of the office all cool-like, with the swishy Exorcist coat making my exit look all the more glamorous. I'm already glamorous, of course. I just look cooler with the swishy coat.

"Hey Finder, you don't think you can actually run from me, do you?" I ask the air, spreading my aura down the corridors. The rolling wave of murderous intent reached something terrified. Eight floors down, spilling his terrified guts to someone in the cafeteria was the Finder who was foolish enough to think he could escape from _me._

I couldn't care less about who that someone was.

Kanda Yuu doesn't let any quarry run off.

I have my reputation to think about, you know.

I went down the stairs four at a time.

--

The cafeteria was exactly as I left it in pursuit of that Finder. Unconscious bodies everywhere and the Finder attempt in vain to hide behind-

_WHAT THE (BEEP)!!_

Moyashi?

"Get out of my way, Moyashi!" I demanded, brandishing Mugen in his face.

"It's _Allen_," He frowned, crossing his arms. He didn't move.

"Out of my way, _or else_," I snarled. "_Moyashi_!"

"Isn't it VIP day or something?" Moyashi asked. He still didn't move his scrawny vegetable ass.

"I don't give a (beep) about the Supervisor's crap. _MOVE_!"

"Why don't you give the Finders a break BaKanda?" the Moyashi snapped.

I took a step closer, drawing myself to my full height. I glowered over him, and took full satisfaction in the fact he had to actually look up.

"Don't make me persuade you," I growled.

He scowled and activated his Innocence. We met in a clash of steel and Innocence, sending blue sparks over the cafeteria.

The Finder ran again, but I could have cared less.

The Moyashi out of all people was breaking the rules. I swung Mugen again and he caught its edge in his claw.

"I'm persuading you, don't get in my way," I repeated myself. One must have pity on old men; they do get hard of hearing after their hair turns white.

The Moyashi thought about something before giving a sickly sweet smile. The type that doujin fangirls squeal over and makes me feel like puking. But that would ruin my image.

"And I'm being _stubborn_."

--

_Red: Don't make me __**persuade **__you to review!_

_Black: Yes, because you're all such nice people that you'll review on your own, right? Oh, and "Kanda"? Stop being such a damn egoist._

_Red: Well, I can't change the facts, right?_


	5. VIP: Stubbornness

_**OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists**_

_**VIP: Violence Is Prohibited**_

**Stubbornness (Part 2)**

_Black: Yay! We finally got something up in our profile page. Go and check it out!_

_Red: Or else…_

**--Allen's POV--**

From where we last left off…

"And I'm being _stubborn_."

--

From another person' point of view, we might have looked like the scariest people they have ever seen. To me, Kanda just looked like the most annoying person on Earth.

I still haven't forgiven him for taping me to the wall. And nearly causing Lavi's death.

Yes, I blame _Yuu_.

Just when you thought that this VIP day thing might keep him from causing anyone else's early death, here he is terrorizing the living daylights out of everyone, under the pretense of using "persuasion".

The day he actually persuades someone properly without the use of Mugen is the day where Master will finally pay back all his debts. With interest.

The likeliness?

Not a chance.

"Let go of Mugen or I will be forced to _persuade_ you." Kanda demanded, glaring at me.

"Are you deaf? I said that I am being _stubborn_." I retorted back, eyeing the table next to me. The table that held my lunch. My useless argument with Kanda was depriving me of lunch! I had to end this quickly.

While I was distracted, Kanda took the opportunity to slide Mugen out of my claw. When I opened my palm, a large gash gaped back at me.

That jerk just sliced my hand open! Oh crap. Now I have to go to Komui to get it repaired.

Oh boy.

(I hope Komui hasn't found out about the Komurins –cough dust particles cough- yet…)

It was then I decided that Kanda should be put under the same torture I would have to undergo.

I swung my claw at him and it dug into the stone floor where he had been a second ago. Curse his speed.

Cursing of him, he reappeared behind me, the hiss of his sword cutting through the air, the only warning of the approaching danger. I leapt, leaving his sword to slice uselessly behind me and crash through the table next to me. The table that held my food.

I watched in horror as the plates crashed to the ground, the delicious food on them spilling to the ground in slow motion. It's the type of scene where I would probably be going, "NOOOOOOO!" Or something like that. Then I swear revenge on the person who did that, then proceed to carry it out.

All right, checklist done! Let's do just that.

"NOOOOOOO!" I cried out. In slow motion. Kanda stared at me with a funny look on his face. The face that said, _He's mad._

I ignored him.

No one, I repeat, no one harms Allen Walker's food and gets away with it.

My claw must have sensed my emotions at that time and it suddenly morphed into a cannon, like during that time I fought the Level 2. As the shape took form, I raised it to shoulder level, took aim and fired.

The cafeteria exploded in several areas and bodies were thrown up into the air by the impact. I ignored that too, swinging my arm around to follow my target, who was running around the cafeteria.

"Stay still and fight me, damnit!" I yelled at him, increasing the amount of dangerous pointy objects coming out of my arm.

Suddenly, my arm shuddered to a stop. Out of energy.

You see? This is what happens when I fight before eating. My energy levels are low. I need FOOD.

I swore loudly, keeping my eyes on Kanda, who was headed towards the door. As he raised a leg, prepared to kick it down, it came down on him.

The person who kicked it down burst into the room, armed to the teeth with his geeky weaponry. You can guess who that is. I would burst out laughing but this wasn't the time.

"I DEMAND THAT ALL VIOLENCE BE STOPPED NOW. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR—"

"SHUT UP!" Komui flew backwards out of the door, bleeding from five parallel cuts across his face and a nasty sword gash in his gut.

Kanda dashed straight for me. Dammit! He just had to come _before_ I started eating! I seriously do not have enough energy to keep up with that jerk! All he eats is soba and tempura! How the hell does he manage to have that much energy?

I fired a few more shots, trying to be more accurate. (I was HUNGRY. How do you expect me to aim properly?)

"Ara, ara!" Lavi exclaimed, waltzing in through the door that Komui had left by. "You two sure wrecked the place reeeeeal bad!"

(Why do more people keep appearing suddenly, out of nowhere?)

"Shut up, you BAKA USAGI!" Kanda shouted from the opposite side of the room. Lavi immediately pouted.

"Allen-kuuun! Yuu-chaan is being so mean! He keeps calling me 'usagi'!" Lavi sniffed.

I sighed, still trying to shoot the jerk also known as Kanda. "Lavi, I don't give a damn whether he calls you his food or not, but he DESTROYED MY FOOD! THERE'S NO WAY I'M LETTING HIM OFF FOR THAT!" I cackled a bit evilly. Okay, maybe more than a bit.

"He's lost it," Lavi whistled, referring to a huge book that poofed out of nowhere. Hey, where did that come from? Does Lavi have an inter-dimensional space pocket like Doremon ore something? And can it store FOOD?!

"And, uh Allen?" Lavi sweatdropped. "Usagi isn't unagi, which is what I think you're thinking about. Unagi is eel. Like food kind of eel. Like fish kind of eel. But Yuu-chan keeps calling me usagi, a rabbit. And Yuu-chan _loathes_ rabbits!" He sniffled again.

_I wonder why_, I though sarcastically. I feel kind of light-headed from all that lack of calories… (And how the hell does he read my mind?)

That was when I stumbled. Purely accidental. The space where my arm turned to, which also happened to be the spaced where Lavi was, exploded. Yeesh, after all that trouble I'd gone through to keep him alive, I just had to go and kill him now. Great, just great.

"Allen!" The anguished cries of the injured came out from somewhere amongst the debris. Lavi popped up from somewhere underneath a fallen chunk of the wall. From what I could tell, it fell directly on his head.

And he didn't die. This proves my theory of him being hard headed. And thick-skinned.

"How could you?" he wailed, bringing out his hammer. "Extend!"

Hey, it grew to the size of the cafeteria! I didn't know it could get that big. He could easily destroy the entire room with that.

"If you and Yuu don't stop fighting now, I will demolish this place!" Lavi shouted across to me, waving his hammer slightly at me.

And he did want to destroy the entire room.

"How can I fight with myself?" I asked, confused. If me and me didn't stop fighting? That's ridiculous. (_Black: The return of the Yuu jokes!_)

Lavi dramatically smacked his palm on his forehead. "Gods save us, he's hopeless." He shook his head sadly and dramatically, that drama queen. "I'll change my sentence. If you and Yuu-_kun_ don't stop fighting now, I will–."

"_Don't say my first name, BAKA USAGI!"_ His sentence was interrupted as flying figure leapt down onto him from above. A flash of metal caught my eye as it came swinging down onto Lavi.

So there was where Kanda went when I got distracted during my talk with Lavi.

The floor collapsed beneath where the other two exorcists were. I watched as smoke and dust covered the area. That should be the end of all this. The unagi's gone, the Japanese with the serious issues is gone. I should go and find my food. Which also happened to be gone.

I am not a happy person now.

My stomach growled, seconding that.

Gee, why is the world spinning?

Bam!

Ah, the floor, my good friend. It's been some time since my head made contact with you. On my back, I observed that the ceiling above me was partially destroyed, with a couple of pointy stuff sticking out of it. Wonder when I hit it? I just hope that there's nothing important above it.

"_Netherworld Creatures 'Ichigen'_!"

Wait. What the hell? He's still here? Doesn't that guy know that it's cease-fire, that idiot? My arm ain't pointed at you or shooting anything out! Don't set your undead pests on me when I'm down!

Barely managing to scramble to my feet, I leapt into the nearest escape route. I think it was a window of some sort. And if I remembered correctly, it led to the kitchen. Which only meant…

"FOOD!" I suddenly felt very energized. Before me, a cupboard door swung open, revealing rows of packaged food. I swear that they were shining golden. I could hear the heavenly BGM in the background.

Yes, there was no doubt about it.

Either Kanda succeeded in killing me and I'm in heaven or I really did manage to somehow land in the kitchen.

I highly suspect that it's the latter.

Forget that. I don't give a damn if I'm dead or alive. The most important thing was the food in front of me. It never looked so good.

"_Come, Allen Walker."_

Holy –beep-! Is that the food speaking?

_"Eat me…"_

My –beep-ing God! It is! And it's telling me to eat it. It must be heaven sent. I look up to the destroyed and blood-splattered ceiling with eyes brimming full of tears.

God, I thank you. You have bestowed upon me the greatest gift ever. The gift of talking food.

I slowly drag myself towards the cupboard. (Hey, I was deprived of food then.)

_"Come, Allen Walker."_

Slowly.

_"Eat meee…"_

Slowly.

_"Why are you taking such a long time, Allen Walker?!"_

"I'm sorry." I immediately respond, apologizing to the loaf of bread just inches away from my outstretched hand. It did seem like the appropriate thing to do. I mean, someone's telling you to go and eat it and the only thing I can do is crawl.

"_You can do better than that, Allen Walker, Demolisher of Food."_

"Why yes, you've got a point there." I mean, Hevlaska didn't prophesize me as the Demolisher of Food for nothing…

Like hell she didn't! I'm not the Demolisher of Food, I'm the goddamned Destroyer of Town. Or something like that…

Names be damned, FOOD HERE I COME!

Urk. I sound like Komui when he sees Lenalee.

--Intermission--

Recharged!

I feel great, it's been a long time since I ate that much. Hopefully the Black Order has enough funds to restock their food supplies. I don't think there's anymore in the kitchen…

I run back out to the cafeteria ready to face my nemesis.

"Kanda, prepare yourself… Eh?" Where was he?

The cafeteria was littered with the unmoving bodies of the Finders. But no Kanda anywhere.

Guess he was too scared to face me after I finished my lunch.

Walking out from the cafeteria, I found myself facing the entire Science department. Bright lights flashed all around and there was a barricade surrounding me. It's the type of scene where the police surrounds the bad guy and orders them to freeze, yadda yadda.

Wait. Since they were in the 'police' role, doesn't that make me the bad guy?

"ALLEN WALKER, YOU ARE ORDERED TO FREEZE AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR. WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED! SURRENDER! WE HAVE ALREADY CAPTURED KANDA YUU—"

"Don't use my first name, damnit!"

Oh, so there was where he went. He kind of resembles a mummy now, with all that rope around him. Beside him, Lavi was brandishing a mummified sword, which I assumed to be Mugen. How the heck did they manage to restrain him?

"OH, AND ALLEN? YOUR ROOM WAS DESTROYED. AGAIN."

What the…? Again?! I have the worse luck ever…

"What about Kanda's?" I ask, hoping that his room had incurred some damage of some sort as well.

"HIS ROOM IS FINE. IT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ORDER. YOURS, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS DIRECTLY ABOVE THE CAFETERIA."

Oh –beep-.

I took a look around. They had me surrounded and there was no chance of escape. Ah well, not as if they could do anything much to me. I raised my arms.

"Get him!" Komui yelled, pointing a finger at me. A very bloody one. In fact, blood was spurting out from various parts of his body.

A Komurin walked robotically towards me, with an evil glint in its eyes. That's not right. Robots can't look evil, can they? I laughed nervously. The Komurin did look familiar, where did I see it before?

Dust particles.

Yes, the last time I saw it, it was dust particles. Which means Komui found out about the destroyed Komurin and somehow managed to repair it. Which means that it's going to kill me for turning it into dust particles.

"Komurin. Allen's anti-akuma weapon is damaged. Fix it for him." Komui leant over and whispered to it.

This is creepy. Déjà vu, you know?

Something like this did happen before. I remember it very clearly…

I froze. Then I ran.

A missile exploded beside me.

What part of this is VIP Day?!

--

_Black: Yes, there is a Part 3 for this and it's gonna be written by—_

_Red: -whacks- A guest writer._

_Black: Ouch. What did you do that for?_

_Red: -takes out roll of tape- (Refer to POKE and POLE)_

_Black: -faints-_

**ANNOUNCEMENT: Allen Interval 1 will be right after the VIP arc. Please submit random questions or scenarios, which you want to be answered or played out respectively.**


End file.
